The perfect relationship is out there, right? I see it everywhere – the movies (we know how I feel about love story’s), social media – everyone has the perfect relationship, the older generation – very rare you witnessed a divorce so why is it so hard for me?
The definition of perfect is having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be. Absolute; complete. Make something completely free from faults or defects; make as good as possible.
Take the pressure off. There is no such thing as the ‘perfect’ relationship. Why would you want one? No growth? No one helping you better yourself? No further adventure or passion? Perfection is at it’s peak and we have so much more to give and do.
Do you think yourself flawless? I doubt many of you answered yes to that question. So why do we expect perfection in someone else?
I believe (and remember this is all only my thoughts, I am not qualified on the subject. Heck I’m barely qualified to be adulting) we can easily get caught up with trying to find a reason the way our partner is the way they are.
They want me to give them all my attention and tell them how great they are, they only think about themselves, they never do anything for me – Narcissist. Why are you questioning me, I don’t have a bad memory, why are you twisting my words – Gaslighting. Why are you making me do this last minute, we had other plans, you are so impulsive and erratic, just because it’s something you would prefer to do – Sociopath. You’re hurting me, why are you trying to manipulate me in to doing this for you, I don’t want to – Psychopath.
In the heat of an argument when it’s very hard to see the wood through the trees. Words are said that aren’t meant. Words are heard that are misread. Anything and everything good that has ever been done in the history of your relationship goes out the window and it becomes a power struggle of ill intent.
I’m all worked up. ‘WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS?’ I pound into the keyboard. O yip that’s what I thought – they’re a Narcissistic, Gaslighting, Sociopathic Psychopath. Called it!
You can make anyone fit in to any box if you try hard enough.
Do you ever notice when scrolling through your socials and you see a quote – they are almost always relatable? This is no different.
Admittedly there are a lot of toxic relationships out there, but I think we define toxic too quickly. Are they abusive – either physically or emotionally? Are they controlling? Would your life be better without them? If so, then yes, you do need to probably look at other options but, in most cases, likely not. Potentially they are just pissed off with you because you have not picked up your dog’s poo, which you have promised you will do a million times and never really followed through on. Because eww – poo?
The honeymoon phase – what a ride. You have met the love of your life; they are perfect in every single way. You could not have dreamt up any better. You are getting to know each other. They say it doesn’t last. That’s not quite right – It just changes. It grows. The honeymoon phase is full of lust and fun, you are simply getting to know each other and enjoying the ride. You have no joint responsibility or commitment so it’s easy to be carefree and living in the moment. But then comes the love. It sneaks on in there. You learn more about each other, the little annoying habits that are not yet annoying but they’re creeping in. They’re dismissed amidst your infatuation. You start taking life steps – moving in together, meeting all the families, the pets. Then the deep love. You’re in well over your head, you’re comfortable, you become complacent, outside factors become present. Annoying habits are in fact, now annoying.
We mess up. We hurt each other. Life gets hard. Things are said in the heat of the moment, immediately regretted, and become difficult to take back.
Difficult moments, in my opinion, define a relationship. The teamwork, the communication, letting go of resentments. Creating habits that guide you through the rough waters. Surviving the storms, together, is what I perceive as the perfect relationship.
You can make small changes; they don’t need to be soul defining. There is always room for compromise.
Stop doing a me and turning to solve all the worlds problems through the internet (ironic because I am writing a blog post – to go on the internet – about the very thing I have told you not to look up).
This advise is for me, you, and anyone else that needs to hear it.
Chill the fuck out. Step back and look at your relationship in the bigger picture. Nine times out of ten the good will always outweigh the not so good. Forget the god damn dishes – go and dance on the beach. Who cares if they snore – get earplugs or noise cancelling headphones. Remind each other of why you are together in the first place. Your best friend, your safe place, your home. No need to get hung up on the small things. Stop running. Look up and see the beauty in your relationship. The good times, the life you have built and everything that is on the horizon. Appreciate, prioritise, have fun, laugh until your belly jiggles, compromise, tell them you love them – often. There’s no manual so stop overanalysing or comparing to your perception of the ‘perfect’ relationship. Tis nothing but a screenplay written for the big screen.
Not too long back I made this set of truth or dare cards. With a delicious platter, whipped cream, and a blanket in front of the fire I surprised Matt with this ‘game’.
He was sceptical at first… but once we got into it, we had such a great time, lots of laughs, an awful amount of inappropriateness and learnt so much more about each other.
We reconnected again on all levels. I think this is important in a relationship, when things get hectic, to ground yourself and remind each other of why you fell in love in the first place. He is my best mate, my safe place, my home. I love when I’m reminded of that.
I’ve tidied them all up for you as a free downloadable printable. Give it a go – book in a night, responsibility free, pour yourself a drink and get back to your roots… highly likely it’ll end in one.
I hope you enjoy it as much as we did.