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this is me.

I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I meant to be, this is me. Look out ’cause here I come…”

Things happen, life changes you. They say people don’t change. They do. Maybe not their core values but experience definitely can’t have some form of impact. If you don’t grow, experience, learn – you are quite possibly doing life wrong.

I think a lot of people spend their lives trying to ‘find themselves’. Yet if you are in constant growth how can you ever truly find yourself? You are ever evolving. There will never be happiness if you cannot accept this.

Happiness comes from experiences, the loves, the adventures, the little acts of kindness, your health, appreciating who and what you have in this moment. Not what you want or what you regret.

The way you deal with hard situations comes from experiences, the pain, the hurt, the loss. You meet your limits, learn your coping mechanisms. That life is precious, and it should not be taken for granted.

If you accept that you are ever evolving and are open to living in the moment amongst the chaos life throws at you, you will have a sense of a life being lived. Not a life achieved. Because who wants the best to have already happened? Or an end game?

Don’t mistake this for not having goals, goals are what get you out of bed in the morning. Goals are what keep pushing you forward, a purpose. It doesn’t mean you can’t stop and smell the roses on the way.

Given the last three years of my life – filled with love, loss, life and learning I’d love to reintroduce myself.


This is in no particular order of importance, just spitting random things out as I think of them

all the lists.
I write so many lists – grocery lists, to do lists, packing lists, house reno lists, lists about lists. I follow none of them. Pretty much ever. But I feel better writing things down.

fake teeth.
My teeth are not real. Not a single one of them. Not my choice, hereditary crap teeth + disintegrating roots = Pearly white dentures. The truth is I love them!!

all about the bass.
When I was young my dad taught me how to play the bass, and I loved it. Even played in the school band. One of my biggest regrets is giving that up. I tried to pick it up again later on in life but never found the time to give it the dedication needed.

I have five tattoos. A bass clef on my left wrist. A Celtic symbol for father daughter bond on my left arm (my dad has a matching one). ‘Alis volat propriis’ written on my back left shoulder – this is Latin for ‘she flies with her own wings’. The word ‘create’ on my right forearm – I have no meaning here and lastly, my favourite – a maori tattoo on my right foot that encompasses my family. Mum, Dad, my younger brother Dylan, and me. I would love to get so many more.

I received a certificate in year 8 for tying my shoelaces. I have no idea what this was about, but it happened – winning at life.

tall as hell.
I am 185cm tall. I’ve been this tall since intermediate. That has definitely come with its challenges. Well for me, anyway, seems to be great for short people in supermarkets.

I would sprinkle that shit on everything if I could – obsessed.

black on black.
My dream car is a Ford Ranger. If I won lotto, it is the first thing I would buy. I’ll never forget having to pretend I loved my brother when he bought himself one.

I am a Leo, so is Matt – makes for some super times

near death.
Christmas two years ago I fell off the side of a cliff and very nearly met my maker. If it wasn’t for some netting and a fallen down tree you would not be reading this awesome blog.

Never ask me where we should go for dinner, I will never have an answer for you.

I don’t really have a hobby. I love to write, although not a star at it, I find it a good stress relief and enjoy getting all of the random things out of my head.

drug dealers.
When I was young, I saw a news snip about people smuggling drugs overseas in condoms on the news. I later found condoms in my parent’s bedside draw and was convinced they were drug dealers.

coconut me up.
I’m convinced coconut oil is good for almost anything. Dry skin? Coconut Oil. Sore Teeth? Coconut Oil? No make up remover? Coconut Oil? Infection? Coconut Oil. Delicious Smoothie? Coconut Oil.. you get the gist

I am usually in bed by 9:30, if I’m not I’m drunk.

I love playing video games. It allows my brain to focus on one thing. I won’t apologise for this.

beam me up.
I hate elevators and would much rather walk stairs any chance I get. Movies did this to me.

chocolate factory.
I used to work for Cadbury. It was as cool as you would imagine.

I did not get to meet either of my granddads. Thankfully my Gran covered all bases – she was next level.

going to the chapel.
Don’t worry Matt this is not a hint. I have always been fascinated (okay obsessed) with planning my own wedding. You immediately think extravagant right? But no… it’s the little details. When I am stressed and want to switch off, I turn to Pinterest to sooth my soul.

fifth form.
This is as far as I got. Year 11. I was present at school right through, but I only passed year 11. I was no good with learning what I didn’t want to learn but would excel in what I did. I’m quietly confident I clocked study class.

hug me.
I love to be hugged by those I love.

random facts.
I love reading random facts and articles. Bored Panda – big fan.

cry me a river.
I cry a lot. Movies, weddings, happy, sad, angry – you name it. I have a strange obsession with watching YouTube military homecoming compilations and bawling my eyes out. Especially when it’s surprising their pets.

Carnations are my most very favourite flower.

hopeless romantic.
I have always been one. One of my all-time favourite movies is Pride and Prejudice. But any fairy tale, happy ending, sweet movie I lose my shit over.

favourite achievement.
100% my gorgeous niece and stud of a nephew. Due to absolutely no achieving of my own I am still claiming Aunty as my most favourite achievement.

I don’t own a rolling pin and it drives me fucking insane every time I need to use one. Why I don’t get one I do not know. I ended up making a whole lot of ‘rustic’ recipes.

voice of an angel.
I love to sing. Terrible at it. Can’t hold a tune to save myself. Sorry bout it.

chitter chatter.
I spend far too much time chatting with Charlie (my Labrador). She knows far too much now, and I have to keep her happy just to keep her quiet.

twinkle toes.
My mum and I had, for years, a special best friend mother daughter dance. I wish I could still remember it because if I could, that is how I would greet her. EVERY TIME.

no babes.
I can’t have children of my own. Which makes it pretty perfect I’ve met someone that already has four. Get to be the mum without being the mum. ‘I’m not like a regular mum, I’m a cool mum’. Just to clarify that is a quote from Mean Girls and I am not cool.

dick liver.
Due to too many white blood cells and a glucose intolerance I have a type of hepatitis of the liver. Thankfully I can still drink because a life without wine? But I have to spend the rest of my days eating a Keto (ish) diet. Which has turned out all round to not be such a bad thing.

post it.
I am obsessed with post it’s and colour coordination at work. All colours, all shapes, all sizes. If there is something to be said you can guarantee it’s on a post it.

I drink a lot of water. Like a lot. Possibly too much. I always have it with me and if I don’t I panic.

I feel things. I care deeply. Which is both a blessing and a curse.

Obsessed with coffee. All day every day. I drink single shot coffees just so I can drink more of them.

I am afraid of flying. I do it, but I’m usually a few wines deep. Not for the obvious reason of falling out of the sky but more the fact I feel claustrophobic and can’t just crack a window for some sweet, sweet air.

I love giving gifts that are personal and make people feel good about themselves. Christmas is my favourite time of year because you get to do all the gift giving.

don’t yell at me.
I hate confrontation and avoid it like the plague. To my own detriment. But I’m working on it.

My personality type is ENFP-T (Campaigner). Enthusiastic, creative, and sociable free spirits, who can always find a reason to smile. Enjoy group activities and value social Interaction. Outwardly enthusiastic. Very imaginative, open-minded, and curious.  Value originality and focus on hidden meanings and distant possibilities. Value emotional expression and sensitivity. Place a lot of importance on empathy, social harmony, and cooperation.  Very good at improvising and adapting to opportunities. Flexible and nonconformists who value novelty above stability. Self-conscious, tend to be success driven, perfectionist, and eager to improve. That one was a long one sorry but if you haven’t done the 16 personalities quiz, I recommend it. Mine was spot on and it may give you some insight into the way you tick.

lost and found.
I once lost my celphone after a shower. It was stuck to my butt. I’d sat on it.

the hood.
I love hoodies (and track pants) and would live in them if I could.

open book.
I am pretty much an open book and there is pretty much nothing that is off the table when talking to me. What’s the harm in sharing experiences? Sometimes people can mistake this for knowing me, I’m purely sharing experiences.

day drinker.
I love a good afternoon tipple. I’d prefer this any day, everyday over a night on the town. It allows me to meet my 9:30pm deadline.

Goes on everything. Mostly mayonnaise and BBQ. You think you have enough – I add more.

Our longest standing argument in our relationship is me not picking up dog poo. Mostly I forget. But it drives Matt insane.

awkward laugh.
I always laugh in the worst situations when it is really not appropriate. Not because I think anything is funny, it just slips out when I get awkward.

animal farm.
I want all the animals. If I ever won lotto, I would have all of the animals.

shark infested waters.
I am not the most confident in the water. I love the water –if I can touch the ground. Matt is a water baby so obviously this works. My goal for this summer is to get more water confident and learn to surf. So, this could be interesting.

songs of the soul.
I love and appreciate all and any music. I have playlists for all my moods and activities. O the singing I do. It helps me get through hard times, enhances good times and everything in between.

Our home consists of a 45-year-old man, 35-year-old woman (this is me), 16-year-old boy, 14-year-old twins – boy and girl, 4 (almost) year old boy, 9-year-old female Labrador, two 18-month-old female cats and now a 11-month-old female rabbit. It’s a lot. A wonderful lot but.

I am currently doing a degree in Construction Management with strands of Quantity Surveying. The construction industry fascinates me and pipeline dream would be to become a Construction Manager one day.

If I could live in bare feet I would. Or even jandals… I’m not fussy.

If you are still with me well done, if you have fallen off – I don’t blame you, I also waffle on.

But that is me, what you don’t know (but probably do given the oversharing and all).

Focusing on embracing the learning, embracing the growth, embracing life.

Far to busy for what ifs.


“And I’m marching on to the beat I drum, I’m not scared to be seen, I make no apologies.. This is me”

– The Greatest Showman, Here I Come

3 responses to “this is me.”

  1. So here’s how I ended up here. I was browsing WordPress reader, and it suggested your blog. And I decided to follow it for several reasons. First of all, you shared pretty much everything about yourself (within reason), which for most blogs is boring. But yours is different; there’s a sense of humor about it that, for whatever reason, is something that is seldom seen. Also, we have a lot of the same traits, except that I am INFJ, and I don’t keep lists too often. I took a series of personality tests online but wasn’t satisfied, so I asked a therapist to evaluate me; the results were the same. Also, I do not think that you are too fat to skinny dip, as your title suggests; I’m a big girl as well and skinny dip all the time the weather is nice. There’s absolutely no shame in this girl’s game. Yes, I know that my parents gave me a boy’s name. Finally, I’m going to tell my wife about your blog. Thanks for a few good laughs today. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, that is very kind 😊 I’m just trying to be honest! Very interesting the personality tests hey. I’ve done this one quite a few times as I thought my mood might’ve changed the result – but no! I hope you enjoy the reads

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Met you on the flight from Brisbane to Auckland. When you mentioned your blog to me you greatly undersold it. I am glad I took a look. It is better than you implied it would be and you must walk more boldly into the mist. (Or is it fog? Who knows, most of us just wander in the dark.)
    Keep it up, and I will visit again. Regards, Tony Hutchins


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